Merry Christmas

or should I say "Nollaig chridheil huibh", if you happen to be a Scottish,

"Buone Feste Natalizie", if you happen to be an Italian;

"Boze Narodzenie", if you happen to be a Polish;

"Feliz Navidad", if you happen to be a Spaniard.

The table is ready and everybody is invited to join the celebration.

I want to extend my wishes for a peace filled Christmas to all the international audience who follow my posts and read me.

May this Christmas be the Merriest Christmas of all, filled with food, music and Tums! (I can have the crackers, you can have the crumbs)

Simon's Spellbinding Christmas Tree

Green, tall and with that distinctive smell of the Christmas of our childhood. Custom-ordered from Germany, lights designed in Italy, the Swarovski ornaments handcrafted in Austria.


I still can't believe so much beauty lies in front of me. I must be a blessed soul. A soul blessed by the mercy of the Lord.

Safari Chronicle

Lord McLeod's adventures are the ultimate thrill. I revisit his journal every time I can as a reminder that through my veins runs the blood of a true Westie.




Serengeti, Tanzania, Africa 1897.

"...but life had different plans for me, as it was proved later on, when my wealthy old master decided to take me along as his hunting companion on an African safari.

One day I started chasing rabbits and before long, discovered I was lost. Wandering about, I noticed a leopard heading rapidly in my direction with the intention of having me for lunch.

As you can imagine, I was scared to death. All I could think of at that time was "Oh, shag! I'm in deep doo-doo!". But common sense prevailed. If I wanted to survive I had to act quickly. I looked around and saw some bones on the ground close by, I immediately settled down to chew on the bones with my back to the approaching cat. Just as the leopard was about to leap, I exclaimed loudly enough so he could hear me, "Boy, that was one delicious leopard! I wonder if there are any more around here?"

When he heard this, the young leopard halted his attack in mid-strike, I could see the look of terror that came over him as he slinked away into the trees. "Whew!", I could hear him say, "That was close! That old Westie nearly had me!"

Well, that would have been all if it wasn't for a monkey who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree. Apparently, he figured he could put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the leopard. So off he went. And I saw him heading after the leopard in order to catch up with him, spill the beans and strike a deal for himself with the leopard for his own protection.

I could see when the young leopard told him (I am good at reading lips from a distance) "Here, monkey, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving canine!". The cat —who was irate, furious at being made a fool of— was coming at me at great speed with the monkey on his back. "What am I going to do now?" I asked myself, knowing there wasn't too much I could do to stop him other than by being smart and keeping on playing the game to my advantage. I made an effort to look collected. I calmly sat down with my back to my attackers, pretending I didn't see them, and just when I knew they got close enough to hear I shouted:

"Where's that monkey? I sent him off an hour ago to bring me another leopard!...."

Moral of this story:

Don't mess with the old dogs...age and skill will always overcome youth and treachery! Bullhockey and brilliance only come with age and experience.



(sigh) If I could have at least one third the smarts my ancestor had, I would have already caught that squirrel.

Spy Thriller (VII)

July 21, 2007

Scotland Yard Internal Memo

"For Your Eyes Only"

From: SO13, Anti-Terrorism Branch
To: SO10, Covert Operations

The presumption that squirrels may be working as spy agents for enemy countries has been recently leaked to the media. (Below is the link to one such story). Our branch is currently working on finding out who leaked such information. However, as the moment of writing these lines the source of the leak hasn't yet been identified.

In the meantime, our Department of Counter Information has managed very well in their mission: stop the news from spreading by dismissing the information. The Russian KGB believes it's a joke, the Israeli Mossad laughed at it while the CIA has regarded the idea as crazy and "non-sense".

Have all your agents overseas report immediately to their posts and instruct them to deny any involvement on squirrel hunting should they be captured behind enemy lines.

(NPR News, All Things Considered, July 20, 2007)

Spy Thriller (VI)

What were you doing...

...at this time on this day?

Commercial break

The mud I roll over on leaves my fur nasty and stinky.

That's why I use Dove products. They not only make my coat look great, white and shinny but also soft and manageable.

Dove. Because I am worth it.

Spy Thriller (V)

Notorious

Dedicated to my mommy on her birthday today Wednesday.

Ballroom dancing never looked so good.

Watch this notorious couple dance to the rhythm of Duran Duran:


Note for those who may not remember:
Simon LeBon is another famous Simon; lead singer and lyricist of the British pop band Duran Duran. Enjoy!

Cupcakes

Dedicated in loving memory of Bertha Hurtado de Silva (1920-2007) and Colonel Marco Varela (1938-2007)


There is a wide variety of desserts you can get out of the table. I would say it's just a matter of time, perseverance and patience. My philosophy is very simple: stay on the game, wait long enough and you could be rewarded with crumbs, maybe some chunks or —if you are fortunate enough— a whole piece of the sweets they are having.

I still remember my first experience with a cupcake. It happened later in my life; my taste buds were developed enough to tell the difference between pound cake and donuts.

It took place at a party I was invited to. I was strolling around the kitchen after dinner time. Nothing out of the ordinary; people had eaten and were gathered out on the terrace when I ran across this small paper cup container. The aroma was lime-like and exquisite. I rolled it over with my nose and noticed the paper still had traces of cake and some richly yummilicious layer of icing on top of it. Obviously, someone had dropped it inadvertently. I took advantage of the circumstances and swallowed the whole thing, right there, paper and all.

Nobody saw me and I never said anything because no one ever asked. The stomachache that I suffered six hours later was terrible, but worth it. Oh, did I enjoy that piece of cupcake like if it was a piece of heaven.

"Cup", "Cupcakes, "cups" or whatever way they're called, it was very yummy. And its origins get lost amid the discussions of historians; it is believed the name "cup" cakes or "measure" cakes developed because of the use of the practice of measuring the ingredients using a standard-sized cup instead of the previous practice of weighing the ingredients. The fact that these little cakes were baked in cup-shaped muffin baking containers gave double-meaning to the term "cup cake", and was probably the main factor for "cupcake" becoming the U.S. standard term.

I don't have a favorite because beggars can't be choosers, but if I had the chance to have one made for me, baked for me and only for me, I'd probably order the ones that Nanda Palmieri recreates on her paintings (even though I think they are a little too big for my mouth).

Spy Thriller (IV)

What I know so far:

1. The wild squirrel bunch is a high-tech crime organization specialized in nut smuggling.

2. They are currently operating near my kingdom.

3. My backyard has been used as a transit route many times during the last couple of weeks.

4. The movement seems to take place once a day before dusk. The squirrel only passes by once.

My report:

I have been watching from my observation post for three days counting today and haven't seen any sign of movement. The only evidence I've been able to collect is some traces that apparently were left behind by the suspect such as some bitten nutshells I collected on the grass as well as new scratches I noticed in the top of the fence. However, my efforts to catch the squirrel on the spot have been useless.

I see the traces but not the squirrel. Where is it? How come I can't see when it passes by? How does it know when to pass without me noticing first? Does it have it all figured out? I am starting to believe that squirrel knows more about me than I know about her. Things like my sleeping habits, my surveillance schedule or much worse, the exact time when I abandon my post to get a snack.

This is not evolving as planned. I may have to revise my strategy and look for a more effective way of surveillance.

Yawn...It's getting late and nothing on the horizon. I'm tired. Time to lay down in that couch.

Spy Thriller (III)

January 27, 2007

To: Simon The Westie
From: Scotland Yard

Agent 009 from the feline unit has been transferred. Too lazy and too slow to perform his duty. Case is still open, though. We had confirmed a cell of the wild squirrels bunch (a.k.a. the nuts stealers) is currently operating in the US, Central Florida, to be precise; pretty close to your kingdom and within your radius of action. Proceed with caution. Agent 009 set a trap in a house we leased but was outwitted by one their members (see attached surveillance video. The cameras of alldumb.com recorded the whole incident). The case has been re-assigned to you. From now on you will report to SO10: Covert Operations...

…as always, should you or any of your force be caught or killed, the Secretary will disavow any knowledge of your actions. This e-mail will self-destruct in five seconds. Good luck, Simon, you are our only hope...

Spy Thriller (II)

At a first glance I thought it was a joke. I kept reading just for the fun of it.

I "ha-ha"-ed the first line. Then "he-he"-ed the second one. I was all smiles and giggles until I reached the third line, when I realized I was in front of something much more serious. Something bigger than I could never have imagined. A dog doesn't receive this sort of e-mail, much less from that kind of sender.

What did they want from me? I am just a dog. Plain and simple. So why would Scotland Yard send me an encrypted message? My understanding is that Scotland Yard is a British police force whose main functions are related to the protection of royalty and countering terrorism in Great Britain. However, they don't have jurisdiction overseas.

Did they suggest that I could be a bridge between the two countries given my dual citizenship, American and Scottish? I've never been part of special operations. I've never been part of an intelligence squad. I always work on my own, doing...well...nothing.

The worst part is that I only could watch the message once. Something about a squirrel they believe could be in the US (?) Very weird message. If I had read it much earlier and saved a copy for my records.

I haven't been checking my e-mail as often as I should, you know?. I am extremely busy doing chores, cleaning up and sorting the laundry to reach for the computer or pick up the phone. That's what mailboxes and answering machines are for...At least, that's the way I see it.

...If my short-term memory doesn't betray me, I believe they said there would be more information coming up...Would that be any time soon? How will that message be sent next time?

The questions pop up much faster that the answers. All I can do for now is keep my eyes open. If they want me to catch that squirrel I can help but they will have to provide more data. That squirrel maybe closer than I think...

Spy Thriller (I)

January 24, 2007

To: Simon The Westie
From: Scotland Yard

The wild squirrels bunch..stop..dangerous criminal organization…stop…threat to the security of the nation…stop…last time seen in Great Britain around 1991…stop…presumed could be operating in the US…stop and space…

…desperately need your assistance…stop…undercover operation…stop…more information to follow…stop…watch attached video…stop…as always, should you or any of your force be caught or killed, the Secretary will disavow any knowledge of your actions. This telegraphed e-mail will self-destruct in five seconds. Good luck, Simon...

Today in History

January 23

1789
Georgetown University is established in what is now Washington, DC.

1849
Elizabeth Blackwell becomes the first woman physician in the U.S.

1906
Simone McLeod arrives to America. She is momentarily detained in Ellis Island due to flea controls.

1958
In Venezuela, a coup d'etat puts an end to General Marcos Pérez Jiménez regime.

The South-American dictator had taken over in 1952.

1973
President Nixon announces that an accord had been reached to end the Vietnam War.

1994
Rebecca Soper is born in Bloomington, Illinois.

2004
Bob Keeshan, "Captain Kangaroo," dies at age 76.

Furry Caddy

In golf, a furry caddy (or caddie) is the dog (generally a Westie) who carries a player's bag, and gives insightful advice and moral support. A furry caddy is aware of the challenges and obstacles of the golf course being played, along with the best strategy in playing it. This includes knowing overall yardage, pin placements and club selection.

The records are not certain, but historians believe that Mary, Queen of Scots, came up with the term "furry caddy" in the late 16th century. Mary grew up in France where military trained dogs carried golf clubs for royalty. It is possible that Mary brought the custom to Scotland, where the term evolved into the word "caddy."

Traditional caddying involves both the golfer and the caddy walking the course. The furry caddy is supposed to be in charge of carrying the player’s bag (even though this is not always the case) and both must walk at the same pace (which is a real challenge, especially if there are distracting factors like birds or squirrels. If your caddie runs after a rodent say good-bye to him and your bag with its $20,000-valued clubs and balls).

The player must keep an eye on the caddie at all times, nobody wants him to lick the clubs or make the hole bigger than its actual size because that would be considered cheating and is heavily penalized by the PGA (Professional Golf Association).

Remember: any penalty caused by the caddy is added on to his/her golfer’s score. The caddy should be aware of his surroundings at all times, especially when players are hitting.

Strolling around, exploring, barking and getting busy without permission is strongly discouraged. Also, the caddy is expected to be with the player at all times and know the rules and point out any rule-breaking on the part of the golfer, such as knowing the maximum amount of clubs a player is allowed to carry.

"Two Sugars, Please"

Tea in England was initially served in coffee houses. Due to high taxation it was expensive, and only affordable for the very wealthy. Despite the cost, tea drinking became widely popular, and tea sellers such as Thomas Twining started selling dry tea, so that ladies who could not frequent the coffee houses could enjoy it.

Tea was very valuable, and was kept by the lady of the house rather than in the care of the housekeeper. It was the lady of the house also who would serve the tea, in imitation of the Japanese tea ceremony.

Anna, 7th Duchess of Bedford had the idea of asking her butler to bring tea, bread and butter to her chambers at 5 o'clock, as she found herself hungry before dinner, and soon started inviting her friends to join her in her sitting room for this new social event.

Eventually, the beverage tea became generally affordable and the growing middle class imitated the rich and found that the meal tea was a very economical way of entertaining several friends without having to spend too much money, and afternoon tea quickly became the norm for everybody...even for Westies.

Yes, Westies also enjoy tea, biscuits and chit-chat.

Maybe nobody represented this period of glory better than Impressionist painter Candace Whittemore Lovely , who brought to life the imaginary world where Westies are the quintessential reference of impeccable manners and proper etiquette...



The painting is called "Two Sugars, Please" and can be found at her site.

I have to confess that I am glad it's a painting. If it was me I surely would have knocked down the table, broke the teapot, devoured the cookies and rolled in the mud...after which I would bet quarters against pennies that that snobbish girl would never invite me over again.

Quotable quotes

"Let us realize that the privilege to work is a gift, that power to work is a blessing, that love of work is success."
- David O. McKay

"Satisfaction lies in the effort, not in the attainment, full effort is full victory.”
- Mahatma Gandhi

"I know the price of success: dedication, hard work and an unremitting devotion to the things you want to see happen."
- Frank Lloyd Wright

"Hard work spotlights the character of people: some turn up their sleeves, some turn up their noses, and some don't turn up at all."
- Sam Ewig

(How much wisdom contained in these quotes! I printed them on a sheet I glued to the ceiling so I can read them every time I lay down)

Tater~n~Banjo

Tater~n~Banjo were an American-based comedy duo who became famous during the early half of the 20th century for their work in motion pictures. The members of the duo were the Scottish-born and-fast Tater and his identical American cousin from the state of Tennessee, Banjo. The pair are considered among the most famous and finest double acts in cinema history. Each brought talents from his solo career to the team.

They made nearly 200 comedy films, silents and "talkies," between 1914 and 1947. They are best known for their "furry characters", a resourceful, success-seeking go-getter who were perfectly in tune with 1920s era America.

Their films frequently contained "thrill sequences" of extended chase scenes and daredevil physical feats, for which they are best remembered today.

Among their most popular and successful films were the features Two to play (1933), Chase the Squirrel (1937), and Hard-Heads (1938); and the shorts A cat! What do we do with him? (1930), Restless players (1932), and their Academy Award-winning short, Biscotti (1932).

Although their individual films were not as commercially successful as Charlie Chaplin's or Harold Lloyd's on average, they were far more beloved by a canine audience desperate to find a voice in modern society.

The critics agreed to recognize belated critical acclaim in the late 1950s and 1960s. However, they were soon forgotten for almost half a century until the year 2006, when an employee of a warehouse found a segment of footage hidden among stacks of old vintage magazines.

For you, an exclusive peek of a scene from the short A cat! What do we do with him?(1930):

New Calendar, New Year

I just bought my Far Side Calendar at Borders with the gift certificate Santa got me for Christmas.

It was on sale, 20% off to be precise. All the proceeds from the sales will go to Conservation International. You see, I really do give back to society.

With the remaining balance I got a Blueberry Squirrel Smoothie at the cafe...I was so happy! I couldn't wait to get home to rip it open.



It's been a while since the last one came out. Gary Larson explains it all in this interview, one of the few he's ever given, under the most extreme secrecy, of course. Yipes! They couldn't even take his picture...It's a shame nobody will ever know what Gary looks like.

But one thing is for sure and that is, Gary, wherever you are, whoever you are, whatever you look like: I want you to know this calendar is pure genius. Its pages will be providing me with joy and laughs for the next 356 days to come.